Sounds selfish, and I guess it kinda is, but it's about time. I feel like I try to be so much to so many, and leave myself short. This year, It is All About ME. I'm going to set selfish goals, and try my hardest to keep them in sight.
My goal for 2009 is simple, but not easily done. I want to find ME.
I have some, let's call them milestones, that I want to try and realize this year. Things that will help me fulfill my goal.
1. Regain control of my body
2. Replenish my spirit
3. Relish in my family
4. Rekindle my passions
5. Reevaluate my friendships
Taking charge of these 5 things, I hope, make me a better ME; therefore making the world around me a better place to be, and a better place for others to be as well.
These are pretty broad objectives, and leave LOTS of gray space, but I'm hoping that gray space is where I'll find myself.
I have to take control of my body, what goes in it, how I use it, how I feel about it, how I treat it, and how I imagine it could be. That is going to take a lot of sacrifice in MANY ways. I know of some things I have to do this year that mean I'm going to have to put myself first, do some things that will be hard in the short term, but well worth the outcome for my future. Reorganize my priorities and maybe, in the short term, it will seem like I'm letting some people down. But the long term goal is what I have to look at. This will all unfold as the year continues, and will make more sense later. For now I know that I have to get to the gym regularly. This may mean that Landon has to go to the gym child care center for a little bit a few days a week. I hate leaving him all day at school then having to take him to the gym. I'm going to try and get out of work at 3:30 at least 2 days a week (hopefully 3-4), get to the gym, workout and have him picked up by 5:30. This will be hard for me, but I have to make the sacrifice to meet the long term goal. I'm worth it.
I have to control what goes into my body. To help with this mind frame (it really is just a frame of mind) I have to rethink the way I think about my body (a machine) and the food (fuel). There has to be a disconnection between emotions and food - completely. I know this is going to take a complete reprogramming of my mind. I'm hoping to get a good head start on this now and then this summer take a big step, a hard step, a long step, in making this a reality. Keep the final goal in mind.
I need to replenish my spirit. I have to get out of the biblical rut I'm in. I need to find passion in God's Word. My time in the Word has become the mundane, check it off the list, get 'er done routine. I need to find the passion I once had. I'm not sure if a Bible Study of some sort with other women is the route to take or what it needs to be. I need to reboot the system and search for the "virus" that has begun to eat away at me. Again, a Bible Study will take me away from my family for one evening a week. Many of those weeks it will mean leaving Landon with a sitter. I'm not sure if another night way is what I need. It will not fit into the steps to help me meet milestone number 3. Relish in my family.
When I'm home I want to BE HOME. Usually it is just 4 hours that Landon and I are here before he goes to bed each evening (less if I'm going to get to the gym - more like 2). For those 2-4 hours I want to be all his. No computer, no TV, no phones, no distractions. I've begun a bad habit of booting up before he goes to bed. It has to stop. If it means less blog reading, less blog writing, less photo editing, then so be it. Which then impedes on Milestone #4.
Rekindle my Passions. I'm a passionate and creative person. I have lots of things I love to do, that I want to do. I love photography, I love to paint, I love to read, I love to create. I want to do these things, I NEED to do these things. When I'm being creative, I'm happy. When I can't do these things, I feel like I'm hitting a road block. There has to be a way for this part of me to escape.
I love that I've had the chance to do photography quite a bit this past year. I love it. I want to do more of it, but I'm not sure how it fits into my long range goals. I have to ask myself if making this a source of income is a goal I want to shoot for. Does it help with the overall goal? There is a lot of soul searching that needs to happen within me in the near future. A lot of hard decisions that need to be made. Making this a long term goal will require a lot of work, a lot of training, a lot of learning. All of which costs time and money. It's a passion I'm not willing to give up, and don't think I need to; I just need to re-evaluate my processes. If I find that this passion is one that I want to make a large part of my life, there are other things that I'm going to have to dismiss. I'm not sure I'm ready or willing to do that yet.
I used to spend lots of time painting. I love the creative freedom I found there. It's one of those things I do just for me. I haven't done this in about 3 years. No one usually ever sees the paintings; unless they've rummaged around in my garage. I've never wanted to paint for anyone else, just me. I started painting in college at the prompting of an art professor, Sandy McDowell, a wonderful women and confidant. She had me use the time as a reflection and release while I was dealing with my mother's cancer and impending death. I want to be able to do more of this. Time?
Lastly, and by no means least, I need to reevaluate my friendships. I need to surround myself with people who will help me reach my goals. I need to determine the friendships that help me and which ones hinder me. I'm not going to stop being friends with anyone, I just need to think about how I spend my energies; who energizes me and who drains me of my energy. Spend my energies with those who will "feed" me back and not waste too much energy on those who will drain my battery. I want to be a good friend, I want to have good friends. This past year has been a big awakening for me in this area. There have been some friendships that have withered away, just plain vanished, and some that have pushed me to the edge. I have found some new friendships along the way that have begun to help me grow, help me flourish, help me be a better person, and most of all find out who I really am. I'm sad some of the friendships ended the way they did, but I'm thankful for the new ones I've found. I pray God continues to help me understand this "dance" in life. I'm a pleaser, and I don't want to disappoint anyone. I'm going to have to learn what is worth fighting for and what isn't.
It seems these goals create a vicious circle. It seems to aim for one goal means that another one has to fall short. I'm not willing to give up on any of these. I have to figure out what is important to me, what is worth the fight, who can help me in the fight, and learn how to fight. This is going to take a major overhaul on my life. It must be done and I have to remember:
DO IT FOR ME ~ I'M WORTH IT!!
My selfish goal for 2009
DO IT FOR ME - I'm worth it.
DO IT FOR ME - I'm worth it.
My goal for 2009 is simple, but not easily done. I want to find ME.
I have some, let's call them milestones, that I want to try and realize this year. Things that will help me fulfill my goal.
1. Regain control of my body
2. Replenish my spirit
3. Relish in my family
4. Rekindle my passions
5. Reevaluate my friendships
Taking charge of these 5 things, I hope, make me a better ME; therefore making the world around me a better place to be, and a better place for others to be as well.
These are pretty broad objectives, and leave LOTS of gray space, but I'm hoping that gray space is where I'll find myself.
I have to take control of my body, what goes in it, how I use it, how I feel about it, how I treat it, and how I imagine it could be. That is going to take a lot of sacrifice in MANY ways. I know of some things I have to do this year that mean I'm going to have to put myself first, do some things that will be hard in the short term, but well worth the outcome for my future. Reorganize my priorities and maybe, in the short term, it will seem like I'm letting some people down. But the long term goal is what I have to look at. This will all unfold as the year continues, and will make more sense later. For now I know that I have to get to the gym regularly. This may mean that Landon has to go to the gym child care center for a little bit a few days a week. I hate leaving him all day at school then having to take him to the gym. I'm going to try and get out of work at 3:30 at least 2 days a week (hopefully 3-4), get to the gym, workout and have him picked up by 5:30. This will be hard for me, but I have to make the sacrifice to meet the long term goal. I'm worth it.
I have to control what goes into my body. To help with this mind frame (it really is just a frame of mind) I have to rethink the way I think about my body (a machine) and the food (fuel). There has to be a disconnection between emotions and food - completely. I know this is going to take a complete reprogramming of my mind. I'm hoping to get a good head start on this now and then this summer take a big step, a hard step, a long step, in making this a reality. Keep the final goal in mind.
I need to replenish my spirit. I have to get out of the biblical rut I'm in. I need to find passion in God's Word. My time in the Word has become the mundane, check it off the list, get 'er done routine. I need to find the passion I once had. I'm not sure if a Bible Study of some sort with other women is the route to take or what it needs to be. I need to reboot the system and search for the "virus" that has begun to eat away at me. Again, a Bible Study will take me away from my family for one evening a week. Many of those weeks it will mean leaving Landon with a sitter. I'm not sure if another night way is what I need. It will not fit into the steps to help me meet milestone number 3. Relish in my family.
When I'm home I want to BE HOME. Usually it is just 4 hours that Landon and I are here before he goes to bed each evening (less if I'm going to get to the gym - more like 2). For those 2-4 hours I want to be all his. No computer, no TV, no phones, no distractions. I've begun a bad habit of booting up before he goes to bed. It has to stop. If it means less blog reading, less blog writing, less photo editing, then so be it. Which then impedes on Milestone #4.
Rekindle my Passions. I'm a passionate and creative person. I have lots of things I love to do, that I want to do. I love photography, I love to paint, I love to read, I love to create. I want to do these things, I NEED to do these things. When I'm being creative, I'm happy. When I can't do these things, I feel like I'm hitting a road block. There has to be a way for this part of me to escape.
I love that I've had the chance to do photography quite a bit this past year. I love it. I want to do more of it, but I'm not sure how it fits into my long range goals. I have to ask myself if making this a source of income is a goal I want to shoot for. Does it help with the overall goal? There is a lot of soul searching that needs to happen within me in the near future. A lot of hard decisions that need to be made. Making this a long term goal will require a lot of work, a lot of training, a lot of learning. All of which costs time and money. It's a passion I'm not willing to give up, and don't think I need to; I just need to re-evaluate my processes. If I find that this passion is one that I want to make a large part of my life, there are other things that I'm going to have to dismiss. I'm not sure I'm ready or willing to do that yet.
I used to spend lots of time painting. I love the creative freedom I found there. It's one of those things I do just for me. I haven't done this in about 3 years. No one usually ever sees the paintings; unless they've rummaged around in my garage. I've never wanted to paint for anyone else, just me. I started painting in college at the prompting of an art professor, Sandy McDowell, a wonderful women and confidant. She had me use the time as a reflection and release while I was dealing with my mother's cancer and impending death. I want to be able to do more of this. Time?
Lastly, and by no means least, I need to reevaluate my friendships. I need to surround myself with people who will help me reach my goals. I need to determine the friendships that help me and which ones hinder me. I'm not going to stop being friends with anyone, I just need to think about how I spend my energies; who energizes me and who drains me of my energy. Spend my energies with those who will "feed" me back and not waste too much energy on those who will drain my battery. I want to be a good friend, I want to have good friends. This past year has been a big awakening for me in this area. There have been some friendships that have withered away, just plain vanished, and some that have pushed me to the edge. I have found some new friendships along the way that have begun to help me grow, help me flourish, help me be a better person, and most of all find out who I really am. I'm sad some of the friendships ended the way they did, but I'm thankful for the new ones I've found. I pray God continues to help me understand this "dance" in life. I'm a pleaser, and I don't want to disappoint anyone. I'm going to have to learn what is worth fighting for and what isn't.
It seems these goals create a vicious circle. It seems to aim for one goal means that another one has to fall short. I'm not willing to give up on any of these. I have to figure out what is important to me, what is worth the fight, who can help me in the fight, and learn how to fight. This is going to take a major overhaul on my life. It must be done and I have to remember:
DO IT FOR ME ~ I'M WORTH IT!!
4 comments:
Yeah for you Shelley. Best to you in reaching your goals. If anyone can do it.....it is YOU!
What a great post! Motivated me to do some of those things, too! :)
My OB once told me that the best thing I can do for my child is take care of myself. In all aspects...physically, emotionally, spiritually. The time you will miss with Landon now will be made up with years he wouldn't have had with you! :) I am so proud of you for taking care of you!
I hear you sister! I feel torn, too - there's so much I want to do (sewing, blogging, reading, crafting,...and um being a wife and mom!) It is good to reflect on our priorities. I remember learning from Barbara Rainey (before JI was born) that she gave up water colors and Dennis gave up fishing/hunting until the children were older. Little children require much time and energy! It's a bummer that you only get 4 hrs. with Landon during the week...with JI, those are usually his worst hours (tired/hungry/cranky/whiney, etc.)
I'm praying for God to give you wisdom and self control to accomplish your goals. I've fallen off the exercise wagon and desperately want to get back on it (but do I want it enough? hmmm...)
You go Girl!!! I'm so proud of you and here to help, support, and pray for you as you continue to become the woman God created you to be! ;o)
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