It just got to me today...

We are all adults, but we don't all "get it" sometimes.

This afternoon a common comment/question made by others just hit me in a soft spot today, and got under my skin. I kinda snapped!

A parent, that I don't really know, at my school today stopped to say hi to me in the hall way as I was leaving the building. This was our conversation.

Her: Hi. How is your son doing?
Me: Great! He's a real sweet boy.
Her: I'm sure he is. How old is he now, anyways?
Me: Two and a half. He is growing up so fast.

At this point all is fine.

Her: Are you guys working on having another one?
Me: "Lord willing," I said with a smile.

This is where it went South.

Her: Well, if Landon is two and a half you guys should be working on number two.
Me: Maybe someday. (I had a little smirk on my face at this point, taking a step toward the door.)

Not getting the hint, I don't want to talk about this now, in the middle of the hallway (or anywhere with HER for that matter.)

Her: "Are you guys working on it?" She says with a little grin and wink.

This is where I kind of snapped! I have to admit I said this next part with a bit of a TONE in my voice and some body language that would make one a bit uncomfortable.

Me: Well, I guess if the doctor decides that I don't have to have a hysterectomy this summer I guess we will try to have another one at some point, but it isn't really up to me at this point, is it?
Her: Oh, Sorry. I will pray for you.
Me: Thanks.

We both smiled uncomfortably and walked our separate ways.

This conversation, or similar ones, happen all the time. I'm not sure why it sent me in a tailspin today, usually I just blow it off. I was leaving the campus right after that and heading to my other school. It takes me about 5 minutes to get there - time to get worked up about it in the car, but not enough time to get over it. Poor Tracy, the school receptionist, had to get an earful because she was the first person I saw. (Being the school receptionist she can relate to such parent issues.)

This conversation and situation hit me on several different levels.

One - I personally know more than 8 people (actual friends/family that I spend time with - not to mention the many people I know, but not well) who have had or are having issues/difficulties with having children. People who have had to use fertility treatments of some sort. Some have had children on their own, others have adopted, others are still childless - struggling daily with this. People need to be sensitive when talking with people about having children, especially those they don't know well. People they may not know well enough to be enlightened about their personal issues. Most of the time we can shrug it off and move on, take it with a grain of salt. But when they pry, dig, and go on and on, it sometimes can be more than one can handle.

Two - Why do I HAVE to have two (or more) children? What if Shannon and I had decided that Landon was all were supposed to have? Is there something wrong with that?

About a month ago we had to sit down and make some pretty tough decisions. We had to decide if trying to have another child was worth the risk of some serious medical issues surfacing for me. We had to decide if one was enough, if we wanted to possibly risk it ALL to try for number two. What were we willing to risk, and for how long, to try for a sibling. After lots of prayers and sleepless nights we had decided that if only having one was the best thing for us, Landon especially, then we were ok with that. If there was a possibility of me not being here for Landon, then it wasn't worth it. There is no way that I want Landon to grow up with out me around. These were the WORST CASE scenarios, but they were scenarios we had to discuss, along with tons of other scenarios, and possibilities.

Just so you know, after meeting with the doctor about two weeks ago, things are, for now, looking up. I go back for another biopsy on the 24th of this month. Hopefully, the results will continue to look as well as the doctor hopes. We are on hold for about a year to a year and a half, and if all continues to stay the same (or not get too much worse), or get better :) (our prayers are for this option), then a sibling for Landon is on the horizon - God willing.

All this - because of a simple, tactless comment from a parent in the hall. Sorry I unloaded!!